Pain

I wrote this poem tonight. I have been wanting to write something for my mom for a long time and finally did. I still have days that I don't believe the car accident happened, that she wasn't killed. I still expect to wake up and have her be here and everything back to normal.

My girls tell me daily how much they miss their Grandma. I think that is the hardest part. I did get to have my mom for 30 or so wonderful years. They didn't even get 10. I look around the house and see so much that my mom has either given them, or inpsired me. It is so sad that they are not going to know their "Grandma Debbie" the way I did. I will be sure that that they know what a wonderful, giving, loving and feisty woman she was.

Her memory will live on in my hearts and theirs.

The pain of losing you is surreal
I look around and think I should be able to feel
Your warmth, your laugh, your hug so strong
But I don’t, they are all gone

Not having you here has been hell
I never knew how much the pain could burn and swell
One day I think I am fine and on the mend
And the next day my tears don’t seem to end

Remembering your laugh, your smile and your heart
Have been part of what is healing my soul, the broken up part
I have been so lost without my mom
I look at the world around me and still can’t believe you are gone

People keep on living
The world keeps on turning
The birds fly, little babies cry
The world just continues on as if you never died

Without you the world is a lonely place for me and I grieve
Without the unconditional love only a mother can give
I feel a part of my heart and soul have been taken away
The only part of me that is left is healing little; day by day

I never thought you would die
I never thought I wouldn’t get to say good-bye
I hope you knew how much I loved you
I hope you know how much your grand-daughters miss you too

I know you are in a better place
You are with Jesus and are safe
You don’t hurt, you don’t cry
You don’t have to deal with the daily grind

You are at peace finally
And I miss you more every day, truly
The pain in my soul will never cease
Will never be fully released

But I know that someday soon
We are going to be together again
Not a day goes by that I don’t miss you and hate that you are gone
But I know you and healed and are no longer alone

Mommy, I miss you so much and most nights can’t sleep
Please bless over your lost sheep
Keep us in your heart and close to you
So someday soon, we can come home too

~ The Untitled Poem ~

A friend of mine emailed me this poem. It says a lot about how I feel about life in general. I thought I would post in on the blog for everyone to read and share. Thanks Whitey for sending it to me. :)

Untitled Poem

I have seen a mother at a crib - so I know what love is;

I have looked into the eyes of a child - so I know what faith is;

I have seen a rainbow - So I know what beauty is;

I have felt the pounding of the sea - so I know what power is;

I have planted a tree - so I know what hope is;

I have heard a wild bird sing - so I know what freedom is;

I have seen a chrysalis burst into life - so I know what mystery is;

I have lost a friend - so I know what sorrow is;

I have seen a star-decked sky - so I know what infinity is;

I have seen and felt all these things - so I know what life is.

~ Anonymous